Our first family photos

 Just after the doctor handed me Elias

 One of my favorite pictures...one happy daddy!

With our doula, Ashleigh!

 Our little family!

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Laboring in the hospital bed...Ashleigh is putting cool wash cloths on my face. I would recommend to any women to have a doula with her during birth...what a blessing!
I spared Facebook this picture, but here is where they weighed Eli...9 lbs 15.4 oz. He's gotten a lot cuter since then...at first they are quite swollen with a lovely cone head.
Again sorry for the graphic nature of this picture, but anyone preparing to have a baby should see this and if you have children you've seen it already. Chad's face is priceless, but he did an AMAZING job changing Eli's first diaper filled with black tar-like poop called meconium!
Steve & Pam Downey...Tyler's parents who our son is named after!

Our Birth Story: A Journey

Disclaimer: This is simply our story and is not meant as any judgment on anyone else. Also this is quite long, so bear with me.

Many have been interested in hearing about our birth story, so here it is…

I will back up a bit, because our journey really began in May 2009. Chad and I first learned that we were pregnant while on a vacation weekend at my parents’ lake house. We were ecstatic and immediately told all of our family and friends. We began dreaming and planning of what our future would be like with the new addition to our family. We had our first doctor’s appointment scheduled Wednesday June 17^th. Before we could visit the doctor I noticed some slight bleeding late Sunday night June 14^th. I didn’t have any pain at all, but we decided its better to be safe and went into the emergency room to get checked out. After a long evening of exams, ultrasounds, blood work, and extremely slow test results we found out our baby had died probably sometime in the past day the doctor said. We left the hospital in the middle of the night, completely broken and unsure of what to do next. We decided to go home and wait until morning to call our family and friends. Our night was spent in complete shock with nothing to do but cry and hold each other. There was no one else on the planet that could relate to us at that moment and Chad and I simply cried ourselves to sleep. Instead of our first doctor’s appointment on that Wednesday, I ended up having a medical procedure called a D & C to remove the baby that had died inside of me. I felt unbelievably empty. The following months were a process of grieving, loving, forgiving, and learning to trust God in an entirely new way.

Unsure of the “appropriate” time to try to have another child, we decided to wait until after the time that our first child would have been born. It took a handful of months to conceive again, and in God’s complete sovereignty we got pregnant with our 2^nd child on the 1-year anniversary of our miscarriage…like literally to the day!

The 9ish months of carrying him were amazingly textbook and God continually reassured me of a healthy baby. Our doctor, who is a strong Christian man, was incredible and saw me a lot at the beginning of our pregnancy and did an ultrasound every time to assure me things were going well.

My due date was March 5^th, but our little man didn’t want to wait quite that long, which was fine by me…at this point I was very ready for him to be here. It all began on Thursday February 24^th about 10:30am while I was at work at my part-time assistant teaching job with Division of Youth Services. I began to notice what felt like mild menstrual cramps that would come and go. I starting trying to time them and see if they were regular at all, because I’ve always been told that “real” contractions are very regular (this wasn’t necessarily the case with me by the way). Once I was pretty convinced this was early labor I texted Chad and our doula (Ashleigh), who is one of my best friends in the whole world, and who happens to live in Kansas City (2 hours away from us). The only reason this became an issue on this day was that “mother-nature” decided that it was going to sleet and snow all that day. I decided to inconspicuously leave work around 12:30, as not to let the guys that I teach know anything was going on. I turned in my time card, knowing I wasn’t coming back to work the next day and drove home in the sleet.

I called Ashleigh once again, trying to figure out when and how she was going to make it to Columbia for our birth. Just about that time my mom calls me (who I haven’t talked to yet) and jokingly says, “tell Eli he can’t come today the roads are really bad.” I then informed her I was in early labor and he was probably going to be here in the next 24 hours or so. After a few more phone calls, my parents and Ashleigh decided the safest thing to do was ride together in my parents Yukon SUV. It took them quite a bit longer to get to Columbia, but they made it safely!

I tried to rest in the mean time, knowing I had a long night ahead of me, but sleeping wasn’t really happening in the midst of the excitement. Chad got home from work about 3:30pm and cleaned up the house so we’d have a clean place to come home to and he somewhat nervously looked after me trying to help in any way he could. Once my parents and Ashleigh arrived, we went out to dinner and I spent some time walking around the hotel my parents were staying in before Chad, Ashleigh, and I returned back to our apartment to labor some more. My plan was to labor as long as I could in the comfort and freedom of our apartment. The next handful of hours was spent with little noise and few lights on walking around our apartment, stopping with the contractions (leaning over the kitchen table or washing machine mostly) and then continuing on. I spent some time sitting in the glider chair and Chad and Ashleigh kept me drinking lots of water and did their best to keep me comfortable by massaging my back and giving me heat packs and such.

I debated on the “best” time to go to the hospital and without being able to know how far dilated I was, it was somewhat of a guessing game. I didn’t want to go too early and become frustrated by a long, uncomfortable labor stuck in a hospital bed but I didn’t want to wait to long and risk anything. Things were continuing to progress and we finally decided to head to the hospital (only about 1 mile away from our apt) about 2:30am on Friday morning. Upon arriving we walked to the triage area to be checked out before they admitted me to the labor and delivery unit. In triage they checked me and we found out that I was already 9cm dilated! At this point, I was very excited and the nurses were somewhat freaking out. I’m sure they thought I was crazy and they hardly ever see a pregnant woman come into the hospital that far along on purpose. The first thing they asked me was if I wanted an epidural…and I told them no, I just want to have my baby. They were relieved because they wouldn’t have been able to give me one at this point anyway. Our birth plan was to have an all-natural childbirth without any pain meds or unnecessary medical interventions.  They quickly transferred me to labor and delivery and called my doctor. There they asked me a million health questions and put in my IV lock…in case of emergencies they require the IV to be started even if I didn’t intend to have any meds or fluids given to me through it. The nurse seemed very frantic and missed the first vein she tried (I have great veins by the way, so this was somewhat frustrating). Finally out of panic the nurse just shoved the IV in the top of my hand…ouch.

At this point I’m hoping for things to move along quickly. But, I spent the next 2 ½ hours or so laboring at 9cm stuck to the monitors with little mobility…less than desirable, but made me thankful for the hours I had spent at home. During this time I was becoming quite nauseous and threw up a couple times…Ashleigh was quick to stick a trashcan under me as Chad kept a small handheld fan blowing in my face. It might sound silly, but that fan was a lifesaver…Chad held it on my face through the entire last couple hours of labor, especially during pushing! I tried to move to find a more comfortable position, mostly on my knees turned backwards leaning over the back of the bed. Except this messed up my monitors each time and the nurse would come back in and have to put them back on me.

As part of our birth plan I wanted to allow my water to break on its own, which had yet to happen. But, when the nurse checked me again my water broke easily because of the bulging pressure that was being exerted. This was good because it sped things up, but also increased the pain by quite a bit. It took about a half hour to dilate to 10cm and another half hour till I was feeling the urge to push. At this point they called my doctor in, who had been sleeping in the next room since we woke him at 3am.

I was pretty exhausted at this point but about 6:30am came time to push…almost 24 hours I’ve been awake. You know that pushing is going to be tough, but I don’t think I really knew what I was in for. Up to this point I was able to breath through contractions and do what I could to manage the pain, now they are telling me to hold my breath and push as hard as I can for 10 seconds (very long seconds by the way Dr. Burks counts) with each contraction three times in a row (making it hurt 10 times worse). The doctor was great at teaching me how to push and explaining what I needed to do to make the most progress. But, he also told me that on average women who don’t have an epidural push for about 133 minutes…I wasn’t sure I could do that!

About 30 minutes into pushing I was beginning to feel like I wasn’t going to be able to do this anymore. I was feeling overheated and at times seeing stars…I think Chad and Ashleigh were afraid I might pass out, but they kept calmly telling me to breath slowly. Also about half way through pushing came the nurse shift change. So, right in the middle of my toughest point 2 new nurses come into the room and introduce themselves to me as the other nurse leaves. Just about then another contraction came and it was time for me to push again. Chad simply told the new nurse to grab a leg and we continued. Just to give you a picture of all of this…Ashleigh is holding one leg, a nurse holding the other, Chad holding a fan to my face and doctor Burks counting the slowest 10 second of my life while i’m gripping these handles on the side of the bed trying to push out what I didn’t know at the time was a 10 lb. baby…quite the adventure!

The turning point came when we could finally see the top of Elias’ head…this was an amazing experience for Chad, who at first wasn’t sure he could handle it, but it encouraged him as much as me and he was so excited to meet his son at that moment.  At this point I was totally drained, but the adrenaline rush kicked in and I was ready to meet our son!  The doctor let me reach down and feel Elias’ head coming out, as well as the nurses brought a mirror in so I could see it for myself too.  Near the end of the pushing when the head was almost out, I wasn't even waiting for the next contraction, I just kept pushing in order to get the baby out!  As Chad puts it, I got my second wind and after a total of about an hour of pushing Eli was born at 7:29am on Friday February 25th, 2011. 

Immediately after he was born my first words were, “He’s huge!” Haha, I had no idea how much he weighed yet, but since I was expecting an 8ish pound baby, I knew the moment I saw him that he was much bigger. Eli had a fairly short umbilical cord, so the doctor couldn’t reach him all the way to my chest, but he somewhat placed him on my lower stomach, waited a few moments and then Chad clamped and cut the cord. The doctor and nurses sucked his nose and throat right away and began rubbing him, partially to clean him and partially to stimulate his breathing. I was able to hold him on my chest after the cord was cut and that was the most amazing experience ever!

I was overwhelmed with joy, a feeling of amazing accomplishment, and absolute love for this little guy! Chad couldn’t quite reach over the bed to give me a kiss because of the rails on the side and the fact that the bed had been raised up as high as it could go for the doctor to be able to stand and catch Eli on his way out. So, he just held on to me while I was holding Eli. This entire birth process was an incredible experience for both of us and something we will never forget. It bonded us more than anything else ever could and Chad was such an amazing support through every step. I could not have done it without him and I know that he believed in me more than I believed in myself most of the time! Thank you for that!

After a few minutes of holding him, the nurses put him on the warmer (just a couple feet from my bed) and did some quick initial exams, including weighing him where we found out that he weighed 9lbs 15.4 ounces…which is just shy of a 10 pound baby…I was never expecting that! During this time I requested to deliver the placenta without pitocin (which is something they normally give during every birth even for moms without meds). But, even without the pitocin, within 5 minutes or so I had delivered the placenta and all was looking good. They gave Eli back to me where I got to start my first breastfeeding. He was a pro and latched on right away, which has been such a blessing! Later on one of the nurses even commented that my body had done everything exactly how it was supposed to…imagine that!

Sometimes it feels like a sense of completion, like an extremely difficult journey that began nearly 2 years ago has come to an end. But, I know that this is just the beginning of more journeys and we are thrilled to have Elias in our life. On another note, it is important to point out the meaning behind his name. Elias Tyler…Elias is a name we liked a lot, it is the Greek or Hebrew spelling of Elijah and means “the Lord is my God.” Tyler, named after Tyler Downey, who was one of Chad’s best friends that was tragically killed in a car accident where the Lord spared Chad’s life for some reason. We cannot understand the ways of the Lord, but we have made the song “Blessed be Your Name” by Matt Redman a song for our lives and marriage…”The Lord gives and takes away…Blessed be the name of the Lord!” In this case he has given us an amazing blessing and we remind ourselves everyday that we are stewards of this beautiful life and that ultimately Elias Tyler belongs to God, not us. We cannot wait to teach him about Jesus and watch him grow!